Sim Brother Couples 2: Day 1 Highlights

Today is the first full day in the Sim Brother Couples 2 house. Seven couples have just entered: Maximillian and Zsa Zsa; Aisha and Corinne; Kalyani and Naveen; Kim and Roy; Aleks and Emery; Tammi-Louise and Wilbur, and Sasha and Vaughn.

The couples were told that they would spend their time in the house living by a ranked system in which the top pair will live in relative luxury while the lowest ranked pair will have to eat, sleep, and bathe in their own quarters and will have the lowest amount of money for food shopping. For the first five days, Aleks and Emery will be the top ranked pair, while Sasha and Vaughn will be the lowest.


Vaughn are Sasha are in the garden and are talking about their lowest ranked status.

Vaughn: Babe, we'll be fine. I promise you.

Sasha: How fucking shit is that, though? We were in for not even five minutes and that happens.

Vaughn: It's the name of the game.

Sasha: I know. It's just such bad luck. I went straight past that present that other girl found. Yeah, she's the sixth ranked, but at least she gets to live inside like a human being!

Vaughn: I know.

Sasha: And what she said pissed me off, too. Complaining. Seriously!?

Vaughn: I think she's one of those people who doesn't really think about what says before she says it. Verbal diarrhea.

Sasha: Yeah, well, it really wound me up.

Vaughn: It's the first five days only, honey. I know we can do this.

Sasha: It's just not what I was expecting to happen straight away.

Vaughn: I know. Me, too. But we've got this, OK?

Sasha: OK.

Aleks and Emery are admiring their own private quarters.

Emery: This is the fucking shit.

Aleks: It'll do nicely, huh?

Emery: All this to ourselves... for the first five days!

Aleks: We've got a wide-screen TV as well. We can actually watch things! (Laughs). Nothing live, of course.

Emery: It's amazing. It'll just be like staying in a luxury hotel!

Emery: I feel for Sasha and whatshisface.

Aleks: Vaughn, I think. I do, too. But it's what you sign up for when you come in something like this, isn't it?

Emery: I guess. I'm not sure what the rules are about people coming in here. Surely we can let some people come in and use the hot tub, on occasion?

Aleks: Maybe, but we'll worry about that another time.

Emery: Really tempted to get in it tonight.

Aleks: Best not to isolate ourselves on the first night. We should be sociable.

Emery: True.

Sasha and Vaughn are checking out their quarters.

Sasha: Wow.

Vaughn: Grim, isn't it?

Sasha: Just a bit.

Vaughn: There are people homeless, though, babe.

Sasha: I know. And it's just for a reality show.

Vaughn: Yep. Put everything into perspective.

Sasha: And here's where we'll be sleeping.

Vaughn: Oh...

Sasha: It's barely any warmer in here.

Vaughn: It'll warm up when we're in here.

Sasha: Hopefully! We could actually get sick sleeping in here.

Vaughn: Nah. We'll be fine.

Sasha: Rock hard.

Vaughn: That's to be expected.

Sasha: Not even a mattress.

Vaughn: Babe, it's gonna be fine.

Sasha: Yeah.


The rest of the housemates are checking out the communal bedroom.

Zsa Zsa: The beds are very comfortable!

Maximillian: Well, my backside seems to be enjoying it.

Zsa Zsa: I'm more than happy with this bedroom. It's lovely.

Maximillian: Bit stuffy though.

Zsa Zsa: Not everyone sleeps with the window open like we do, Dear.

Maximillian: That, my love, is true.

Corinne: I can't believe we barely have any money to spend on shopping this week.

Wilbur: Don't you think we all got lucky considering the rough deal Sasha and Vaughn have?

Corinne: Yeah, but I'm a greedy bitch.

Aisha: Very accurate. She'd steal a lollipop from a baby if she was peckish enough.

Tammi-Louise: I'm sure the higher up couples will pitch in and help the lower ones.

Corinne: You're third from bottom, right?

Wilbur: Yup.

Corinne: Maybe you can buy us some beer, then?

Tammi-Louise: Or a £1 pizza from Tesco's?

Corrine: (Laughs). Tightass.

Zsa Zsa: Happy with the sleeping accommodations?

Kim: Yes, it's all lovely! Been a long time since I've been in a bedroom with anyone but Roy or the kids! (Laughs). It's like going back in time to having sleepovers.

Zsa Zsa: Exactly! It'll be fun.

Roy: We were just admiring this tree.

Zsa Zsa: Lovely, isn't it?

Kim: I just love this time of year. It's the best.

Roy: We didn't get the chance to decorate with the kids before we left. We were in such a hurry.

Zsa Zsa: Aw.

Roy: Do you and Maximillian have children?

Zsa Zsa: Oh, God, no. Little versions of him? I'd drink bleach.

Roy: (Laughs).

Kalyani: This is so much nicer than what I expected it to be!

Naveen: And she has very high expectations.

Kalyani: Damn right.

Aisha: We're gonna check out the bathroom.

Wilbur: It's very nice.

Corinne: No spoilers!

Wilbur: What?

Tammi-Louise: What!? Wilbur: Something's up. I can tell.

Tammi-Louise: I'm fine. I just hate the idea of sleeping in the same room with a bunch of strangers. It'll get easier the more we get to know everyone.

Wilbur: You know what this show is about, right?

Tammi-Louise: Yes, but the bedroom's always look a lot bigger. (Laughs). This one's quite cramped.

Wilbur: It'll be fine.

Tammi-Louise: I'm jealous of the boys having that suite! And part of me might even have preferred the bunker to this.

Wilbur: Oh, now.


Sasha and Zsa Zsa are chatting at the dining table.

Zsa Zsa: How you feeling, sweetie? You've got a rough deal for the first night, haven't you?

Sasha: It's shit, yeah, and Vaughn's trying so hard to keep me upbeat but I keep getting down about it... I feel like such a spoilt brat.

Zsa Zsa: Don't. If I'm perfectly honest, it's a lot easier for everyone else to look at you in your position and say 'oh, just get on with it' when we've got it a lot easier and it's not us having to live outside, basically.

Sasha: Thank you! So, I'm not insane!?

Zsa Zsa: You might be insane, honey. In fact, I think all of us probably have a screw-loose for singing up for this, but you're not wrong.

Sasha: (Laughs).

Zsa Zsa: Being in the bunker and having a garbage deal later on might be tolerable, but for the first few days when this is all intimidating and new...well, that's different.

Sasha: Yeah. I know. I'm just glad I have Vaughn.

Zsa Zsa: Exactly. Imagine how scary this would be to do alone.

Sasha: Glad you have Maximillian, then?

Zsa Zsa: Wouldn't go that far.

Aleks and Roy are in the kitchen.

Aleks: Making some coffee?

Roy: Sure am, bud. Want some?

Aleks: Please.

Roy: I tell you, I am not used to this cold.

Aleks: Aren't you from Missouri?

Roy: Yeah and it's freezing this time of year, but it feels different here.

Aleks: I sort of get what you're saying. The heat here feels different to the heat when you get on holiday.

Roy: Sure. (Laughs). Not that I've ever really gone overseas much.

Aleks: No?

Roy: Only Canada few times to visit relatives. We went to Barbados for our honeymoon. This is our first time in the UK, and Europe.

Aleks: Wow. What do you make of it so far?

Roy: Honestly, Aleks? It feels like a different world.

Aleks: I get that. We might speak the same language but we're sure different.

Roy: Yessir. Completely different cultures.

Aleks: Mind if I ask you something?

Roy: Fire away.

Aleks: Statistically speaking, if you and Kim are from Missouri, you're more likely than to be conservative than liberal?

Roy: True.

Aleks: How are you guys with us gays? (Laughs).

Roy: Doesn't bother me in the least, buddy. Each to their own. I used to have very different opinions on it. Kim, too. But our views have shifted over time. We have a friend who's a lesbian and she's taught us a lot. We support gay marriage.

Aleks: That's great. That really is. Even among conservatives, gay rights is becoming more popular now.

Roy: Absolutely.


Vaughn is using the outside toilet for the first time.

Vaughn: My piss might freeze midstream.

Kim is the first housemate to come to the diary room.

Kim: Hello!

Sim Brother: Hello, Kim. How are you finding your first night in the house?

Kim: Oh, it's certainly a lot to take in. There's a bunch of different people from different cultures which is great, but it's not always easy to know how to communicate straight away. To be honest, all the holiday decorations around the place, as lovely as they are, is just making me think of my kids.

Sim Brother: Have you spoken to Roy about how you're feeling?

Kim: Oh, he'd just feel the same, no doubt. (Laughs). It's obvious I was going to get cold feet and be slightly unsure as soon as I'd get in here. It's normal. I'm sure I'll grow accustomed to the place. And I know darn well my kids would barely even have noticed our absence yet.

Sim Brother: Kim, it's always normal for housemates to missed loved ones and Sim Brother is here to talk to at any time.

Kim: Aren't you a sweetheart?


Emery, Kalyani, and Tammi-Louise are in the lounge.

Kalyani: So, now we've ditched our spouses, let's dish the dirt!

Emery: (Laughs). What you wanna know?

Kalyani: You a bottom?

Tammi-Louise: (Gasps) Kalyani!

Kalyani: I'm curious! And it's just us girls!

Emery: (Laughs). Yes.

Kalyani: Knew it.

Emery: Two can play that game, though. Is Naveen well endowed?

Kalyani: Like a fucking donkey. (Everyone laughs).

Emery: Your turn!

Tammi-Louise: Oh, Jesus Christ. What?

Kalyani: How old is Wilbur, anyway?

Tammi-Louise: Have a guess.

Emery: Uh... forty-six.

Tammi-Louise: He's nearly sixty.

Kalyani: SHUT UP!

Emery: No way!?

Tammi-Louise: I know. I was stunned, too.

Kalyani: He looks great for his age!

Tammi-Louise: Hell yeah.

Sasha is alone in the bunker.

Kim has come to check on her.

Kim: Knock, knock? Sasha: Hello?

Kim: It's Kim. Can I come in, hon? Only it's freezing.

Sasha: Of course.

Kim: How you doing?

Sasha: Oh, I'm just being a mopey little brat.

Kim: I'm sure that's not the case.

Sasha: I'm just not sure I can do this.

Kim: Of course you can! You're made out of tough stuff!

Sasha: I just... I like to be comfortable and I...

Kim: Just ride it out, honey. It's five nights. Are you not allowed to sleep on the sofas in the lounge?

Sasha: No. And it's not even so much the sleeping situation.

Kim: Oh?

Sasha: I'm just still not one hundred percent confident in my body and showering outside... it's just...

Kim: Darling, none of us are happy with our bodies.

Sasha: No, it's just... I'm transgender.

Kim: Oh! Really!? OK.

Sasha: And I'm just... I'm not quite there yet.. and having to wash outside is just gonna be... it's gonna feel... I know it's no different than doing it inside really, but it feels exploitive.

Kim: Honey, come here!

Kim: I'll help you in any way I can, OK? If you want Vaughn and I to stand in front of the shower with towels or something, we'll do it.

Sasha: Thanks so much, Kim. I know I'm just being stupid. I just feel a lot more under the spotlight than what I thought I would. And it's spooked me a bit.

Kim: Well, if we were all in the same boat, it'd be a lot easier, but we're not because of these stupid rankings. But I've got your back! All the way!

Sasha: And what I told you... it's not a secret at all... but I'd just rather...

Kim: I wouldn't say a word! It's nobody's business.

Sasha: Thank you, Kim. You're amazing.


Kalyani and Naveen have come to the diary room.

Kalyani: Hi, Sim Brother!

Naveen: How's it going?

Sim Brother: Hello, Kalyani. Hello, Naveen. How are you both finding your first night in the house?

Kalyani: It's amazing. Exactly what I had in mind it would be.

Naveen: Everyone seems great, too. I thought there would be one personality we wouldn't like straight away, but everyone seems cool.

Kalyani: Corinne, maybe?

Naveen: I think she's fine. Probably just a bit of a loudmouth. (Laughs).


Aisha, Corinne, Emery, Maximillian, and Zsa Zsa are in the snug.

Corinne: Do you think we'll be doing our lists tomorrow, then?

Aisha: More than likely.

Emery: Well, Aleks and I have said we're happy to help out in any way we can.

Maximillian: That's good of you. Zsa Zsa and I would help as well, but we're selfish and want all the money to ourselves.

Zsa Zsa: (Laughs). No. We'll help.

Corinne: So, how much of your money can we have, then?

Emery: Isn't it more of a case of buying you food than giving you money?

Aisha: I'm not really sure how it works.

Emery: Obviously we'll be more than willing to help, but Sasha and Vaughn will take first priority.

Corinne: Really? Even though we're asking first?

Emery: Well, they've got barely anything to live on.

Corinne: We're not much better.

Emery: We'll help, not to worry.

Corinne: Well, I'll remember how helpful people are for the future.

Maximillian: I'm sorry, what?

Corinne: I'll remember who helped me and act accordingly if Aisha and I are one of the highest ranked couples going forward.

Maximillian: Seems a bit petty, doesn't it?

Corinne: Not at all.

Maximillian: So, if we don't give you enough to satisfy you, you might not give us anything if the roles were reversed in future?

Corinne: No, not that at such. But I'll be good to people who are good to us.

Aisha: Way to make a start on gaining friends, Corinne.

Corinne: Babe, I'm just being honest! (Laughs).

Aisha: We should just wait and see what happens tomorrow. We don't even know where they're going to do the shopping and how much it'll be.

Corinne: True. If it's Aldi, everything might be dirt cheap.

Emery: And if it's Waitrose then we're all fucked.

Zsa Zsa: We've never heard of these stores? You have Tesco, right?

Maximillian: And Asda.

Emery: Yeah. We have those. And you have WalMart.

Zsa Zsa: That's right.

Emery: And Wendy's?

Maximillian: No. That's a diner, my friend.

Emery: (Laughs). OK.


Kim and Roy are getting ready for bed.

Roy: Enjoyed the first night?

Kim: Definitely. There's some really great people here.

Roy: Agreed. I had a good conversation with Aleks earlier. Nice guy. How was Sasha when you checked on her?

Kim: Not great, but I think I cheered her up. She's a good egg, that one.

Roy: Good.

Kim: Goodnight, darling.

Roy: Night. Sleep well.


Kim and Roy are asleep.

Sasha, Tammi-Louise, Vaughn, and Wilbur are in the lounge.

Vaughn: You feeling good now, honey?

Sasha: Yeah. I've pulled myself together. Kim was a great help.

Vaughn: Oh, really?

Sasha: She's lovely. Really.

Wilbur: I don't think we've spoken to her much, have we, babe?

Tammi-Louise: No. Barely said a word to either of them. They've gone to bed, haven't they?

Sasha: Think so. They might be jetlagged, to be fair.

Tammi-Louise: It's nice to see you with a smile on your face, Sasha. I felt so bad for you earlier. You were like a sad little puppy.

Sasha: I was feeling sorry for myself, basically.

Wilbur: Understandably so. It's a shit situation. And I don't think any of us were expecting to be living in this kind of system when we came in here.

Vaughn: They certainly know how to cause drama, don't they?

Tammi-Louise: That's their job.

Vaughn: Yep.

Sasha: I just need to focus on all the good that's gonna come out of this experience.

Tammi-Louise: Exactly. And if you have to spend a couple of nights stuck in a metal shed and shitting in the snow, then so be it.

Wilbur: My Tammi-Louise, ladies and gentlemen.

Sasha: She sure has a way with words. (Laughs).


Maximillian and Zsa Zsa are next to go to bed.

Maximillian: Comfortable, darling?

Zsa Zsa: Yes. So much so, I was asleep, you disrespectful bastard.

Maximillian: Oh, don't start whining you manipulative shrew!

Zsa Zsa: Love you.

Maximillian: Love you, too.

Aleks and Emery are in their private quarters.

Aleks: There's so much on here we can actually watch!

Emery: Amazing, isn't it?

Aleks: Christmas films... the lot!

Emery: Home Alone 3!?

Aleks: Seriously!? Three!?

Emery: It's my favourite, remember?

Aleks: I really should leave you for that. We're not watching the third one.

Emery: What do you want to watch, then?

Aleks: I love White Christmas.

Emery: Boring! Let's watch The Grinch.

Aleks: Oh, fuck no.

Emery: This is what we're like with Netflix! (Laughs).

Aleks: I'll just pick something. You'll only fall asleep anyway.

Emery: Truth.

Sim Brother has called Sasha to the diary room.

Sasha: Hiya.

Sim Brother: Hello, Sasha. How are you feeling this evening?

Sasha: I'm all right, thanks. My first few hours in here were rough but we had quite a lot thrown at us... we all did. I've come to terms with it now and I'm just gonna take it all in my stride. I've been through far worse, after all.

Sim Brother: Sim Brother is pleased to hear your feeling brighter.

Sasha: Definitely. A lot of that has to do with the people you've put in here. They all seem brilliant. Zsa Zsa and Kim have been a great help.

Tammi-Louise and Wilbur are in the bathroom.

Wilbur: You OK?

Tammi-Louise: I'm fine. Just a bit apprehensive about the bedroom situation.

Wilbur: It'll be fine. Just think of it as one giant sleepover.

Tammi-Louise: I hated sleepovers. My girlfriends always wanted to share the bed with me but I kicked them out to the spare rooms.

Wilbur: You're awful. (Laughs).

Aisha and Corinne are heading to bed.

Corinne: I can't believe this is all the wardrobe space we have for five couples.

Aisha: Babe, it's late, c'mon.

Corinne: They take the piss out of us in here, though. We need somewhere to put our clothes.

Aisha: Yes! OK! Just get into bed.

Corinne: Why are you snapping?

Aisha: Because it's late and people are trying to sleep.

Corinne: Bossy.

Aisha: Shh! (Laughs).

Roy: (Sighs).

Wilbur: Night, angel.

Tammi-Louise: Goodnight.


Aleks is watching Love Actually in bed.

Emery: Turn it off now!

Aleks: Why!? Emery: Trying to sleep.

Aleks: You can sleep through anything.

Emery: You need to sleep, too. It's been a long day.

Aleks: I hate turning a film off before it's finished.

Emery: Finish it tomorrow night.

Aleks: (Sighs). Fine.


Aleks and Emery are now asleep.

Vaughn is heading to bed in the bunker.

Vaughn: Christ. This bed is shit.

Kalyani, Naveen, and Sasha are the only housemates up. They are in the dining area.

Naveen: We should really be going to sleep, shouldn't we?

Kalyani: Oh, bore off, Grandpa.

Naveen: Well, we don't know what they're going to throw at us tomorrow, do we?

Kalyani: Suppose not.

Sasha: Shopping probably.

Kalyani: You dreading it?

Sasha: Not really. Aleks and Emery and Zsa Zsa said they'll help out.

Kalyani: We'll help in any way we can, too.

Naveen: Well, within reason.

Sasha: (Laughs). I appreciate it, you guys.

Kalyani: I reckon that Corinne is gonna ask for quite a lot of stuff.

Sasha: Did you hear the comment she made when she found out she was the sixth ranked couple? She actually moaned when Vaughn and I had just been told we were last.

Kalyani: I know. Unreal.

Naveen: I just don't think she thinks before she speaks. She seems harmless enough.

Kalyani: For now, yeah. I could see it grating on people eventually.


Sasha is heading to bed in the bunker.

Sasha: Freezing.

All of the housemates are now asleep.

The first day in the Sim Brother Couples 2 house has come to an end. Tune in tomorrow for the highlights of day two where the couples make their shopping lists.

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