Updated: Dec 31, 2020
It's the seventeenth day and Boxing Day in the Sim Brother Couples house. Yesterday, the housemates endured a day of feasts, celebration, games and drinks.
Dennis, Maximillian, and Zsa Zsa are the only housemates asleep.
Lionel and Naveen are in the diary room.
Sim Brother: Hello, Lionel. Hello, Naveen. How are you both this morning?
Naveen: Morning!? The night's just begun, Sim Brother!
Lionel: I'm in love with you.
Naveen: (Laughs). Well, thanks.
Sim Brother: Have you enjoyed Christmas?
Lionel: It's been outstanding. Really. You certainly pulled out all the stops, big guy!
Naveen: Yeah. We had an incredible time. It certainly hasn't disappointed.
Lionel: You're a God of a man, Naveen.
Naveen: Sim Brother, I'd like to put a restraining order on Lionel, please.
Lionel: By the time it becomes official, it'll be too late.
Naveen: (Laughs). Oh, good God.
Tammi-Louise and Sasha are wrapping up the festivities with a song.
Sasha: Oh, I wish it could be Christmas everyday!
Tammi-Louise: When the kids start singing and the band begins to play...
Kalyani: Aw, you have nice voices, girls!
Corinne: Better than Aisha, anyway.
Corinne: Nothing, honey. (Laughs).
Sasha and Tammi-Louise: So, let the bells ring out for CHRISTMAAAAS!
Sasha: That was amazing!
Tammi-Louise: We're the Christmas Queens!
Sasha: Bow to our might!
Lionel: Mariah Carey's the Queen of Christmas, you nobodies!
Naveen: (Laughs). That was great girls! Well done!
Vaughn: Yeah! It was amazing!
Aisha: Not as good as me! But nice try!
Wilbur: I'm exhausted.
Tammi-Louise: You're getting too old for this, Wilbur!
Wilbur: I think I am.
The housemates are finally heading to bed.
Sasha: Because there's not been any new rankings we've got away with staying in here an extra two nights.
Vaughn: (Laughs). We're jammy, aren't we?
Sasha: Our last night in here though, probably!
Vaughn: We've had a good run.
Sasha: Yeah. Love you, babe.
Vaughn: Love you, too.
All of the housemates are now asleep.
Most of the housemates are still asleep.
Maximillian and Zsa Zsa are the first to rouse from bed.
Zsa Zsa: Aw. They're removed all the decorations they added yesterday.
Zsa Zsa: Why do that, though!? It just makes us feel depressed!
Maximillian: Not everybody keeps the decorations up until January 1st like we do. (Laughs).
Zsa Zsa: But it's the perfect time to do it. It's a new year! So new start!
Zsa Zsa: I wonder if it's a bigger sign?
Maximillian: Of what?
Zsa Zsa: Christmas being over... maybe they've got something up their sleeves for us for the days to come.
Maximillian: Would surprise me if they didn't.
Zsa Zsa: There's not too long left, I imagine. They're gonna get serious soon.
Dennis is having toilet troubles.
Dennis: Oh, Lord help me.
Four minutes later...
Dennis: Evacuate the fucking house. Good GRIEF.
Dennis has braved a journey to the diary room.
Dennis: Hi, Sim Brother.
Sim Brother: Good morning, Dennis. How are you? Dennis: Yeah. Not too good actually.
Sim Brother: What seems to be the problem?
Dennis: Well, I believe I might just be the bearer of bad news but I've probably killed off the vast majority of your housemates with that fecal monstrosity I just performed in the bathroom. And that was my second in about half an hour. I wouldn't be surprised if it wafts down and kills off Sasha and Vaughn as well.
Sim Brother: What can Sim Brother do to help?
Dennis: More toilet paper, please. And I know you're tight when it comes to this, but denying us some air freshener this morning would be inhumane. Oh, JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH!
Dennis: I'VE GOTTA GO!
Sim Brother has just woken the rest of the housemates after allowing them a lie in. Sasha is having a bath.
Vaughn: Enjoying that, babe?
Sasha: Of course.
Vaughn: You might not in a second.
Vaughn: Ah. Lovely.
Sasha: For fuck sake, Vaughn!
Vaughn: What!? I was desperate.
Sasha: (Sighs). You do my fucking head in.
Sim Brother has gathered the housemates in the lounge for an important announcement.
Kalyani: Oh, come on. Why do they keep us waiting so long!?
Lionel: Because they get a kick from torturing us. (Laughs).
Aisha: I wonder what it's going to be about.
Maximillian: Well, I'm no Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Periot, but I'd wage a guess...
Maximillian: ... that has something to do with it.
Vaughn: Shit! I think you're right!
Sim Brother: Housemates, over the course of the next few days, you will all be presented with dilemmas and decisions known as the Last Temptations of Christmas.
Corinne: Oh, shit.
Zsa Zsa: I knew they were up to something.
Sim Brother: Would Aisha and Corinne please enter the Temptation Chamber.
Lionel: Temptation Chamber? Sounds like a place I wanna be.
Corinne: Oh, boy.
Aisha: Here we go.
Sasha: Good luck, girls.
Lionel: Imagine if they locked them in and never let them out.
Aisha: I'm claustrophobic, Lionel!
Tammi-Louise: (Laughs). Fuck sake.
Aisha: Oh, God. I hate this.
Corinne: It'll be fine.
Sim Brother: Hello, Aisha. Hello, Corinne.
Sim Brother: None of your fellow housemates can hear this conversation. After leaving the chamber, any conversation you have in here must be kept confidential. Do you understand?
Corinne: We do.
Sim Brother: Aisha. Corinne. This year, the winning couple will not be the only ones to receive a prize fund.
Sim Brother: All four couples who make the final of Sim Brother will win money. The couple in fourth place will receive £10,000. The couple who finish third will receive £25,000.
Aisha: I can't believe this.
Sim Brother: The runners-up will receive £50,000. And the winners, will of course, win £100,000. That's the plan, at least.
Corinne: Oh, fucking hell. Here we go.
Sim Brother: Ladies, Sim Brother is about to give you the chance to bid for a special reward. The reward will be becoming the top ranked couple for the next five days.
Sim Brother: You may bid anything from 1p to £10,000. The money will come from the prize fund for the fourth placed couple. The couple who bid the most, will become the top couple for the next five days. You must bid some money, but how much or how little, is down to you. Aisha and Corinne, you have thirty seconds to deliberate...
Five minutes later...
Sim Brother: Dennis and Lionel, you have five minutes to deliberate.
Lionel: We're not interested, are we?
Dennis: We can't in good conscious take money away from anyone who makes the final. It's not in our way to take something that belongs to someone else.
Lionel: And I'm pretty sure we can cope just fine sleeping in that bunker.
Four minutes later...
Sim Brother: Kalyani and Naveen, you have thirty seconds to deliberate.
Naveen: Fuck. What do we do?!
Kalyani: I have no idea.
Naveen: The question is, what are the others going to do!?
Kalyani; I honestly don't know. I don't think Dennis and Lionel or Sasha and Vaughn will take a penny.
Naveen: No. I don't think so, either.
Kalyani: The others? Jesus...
Naveen: Right. We need to try and make a decision.
Five minutes later...
Sim Brother: Maximillian and Zsa Zsa, you have thirty seconds to deliberate.
Zsa Zsa: Jesus. This is intense.
Maximillian: What do we do?
Zsa Zsa: It's the prize fund for fourth place, right?
Maximillian: That's what they said.
Zsa Zsa: Well, up until thirty seconds ago we didn't even know there was a prize fund just for making the final.
Maximillian: Indeed. But stealing a lot from it would not sit right with me.
Zsa Zsa: No. I quite agree.
Four minutes later...
Sim Brother: Sasha and Vaughn, you have thirty seconds to deliberate.
Sasha: Oh, no! This is terrible! Vaughn: We've had it good this past week. I don't mind roughing it.
Sasha: I hated that bunker so much those first five days. (Laughs). But I'll do it if need be. I don't want to steal a lot money from anyone.
Vaughn: No. Me neither.
Four minutes later...
Sim Brother: Tammi-Louise and Wilbur, you have thirty seconds to deliberate.
Wilbur: This is a turn for the books, isn't it?
Tammi-Louise: What you thinking?
Wilbur: I'm thinking I'd quite like to get back into the luxury bedroom?
Tammi-Louise: But to take money away from people...
Wilbur: Yeah. But I have an idea for that.
Sim Brother is about to reveal all to the housemates.
Sim Brother: This is Sim Brother...
Maximillian: And here we go.
Dennis: Drama time.
Sim Brother: As you know, each couple have made bids on becoming the top couple for the next five days. Sim Brother is now going to reveal the outcome.
Zsa Zsa: Eee...
Sasha: Let's keep things friendly guys, OK?
Sim Brother: Dennis and Lionel bid 1p to become the top ranked couple. They bid the least and are therefore the lowest ranked couple for the next five days. They must sleep in the bunker and only bathe, prepare food, eat, and use the toilet outside. They must live on £3 per head, per day.
Lionel: So be it. (Laughs).
Dennis: We can manage.
Sasha: Oh, you guys.
Zsa Zsa: You're too pure.
Sim Brother: Sasha and Vaughn bid £10 to be the top ranked couple and will therefore be the fifth ranked couple for the next five days. They must live on £6 per head, per day.
Sasha: That's fine.
Vaughn: At least we're not in the bunker.
Lionel: Rub it in.
Vaughn: (Laughs). Sorry!
Sim Brother: Aisha and Corinne bid £50 and will therefore become the fourth ranked couple. They must live on £8 per head, per day.
Aisha: That's fine.
Corinne: Yeah. No problem at all.
Sim Brother: Kalyani and Naveen bid £101 and will become the third ranked couple for the next five days. They must live on £10 per head, per day.
Sasha: 101? That's a random number.
Kalyani: (Laughs). It's my favourite.
Sim Brother: Maximillian and Zsa Zsa bid £500 and will become the second ranked couple. They must live on £15 per head, per day.
Zsa Zsa: And if we had won, we would've reimbursed the £500 to whomever finished fourth.
Maximillian: We figured that's around what we might pay for a nice room like the one upstairs this time of year, so yeah. (Laughs).
Sasha: That makes sense.
Sim Brother: Tammi-Louise and Wilbur bid £5,000.
Lionel: You guys aren't playing around! (Laughs).
Sim Brother: They are therefore the top ranked couple and will live on £20 per head, per day and have access to the luxury bedroom. £5,000 will now be removed from the prize fund for the fourth placed finalists, leaving their prize money at £5,000. The Last Temptations of Christmas will return tomorrow. Housemates are now free to leave the lounge.
Tammi-Louise: We'll pay it back, guys. Promise.
Kalyani: Sorry, but that's fucking ridiculous...
Naveen: Babe, sit down.
Tammi-Louise: Don't storm off, Kalyani. If you want to say something, then let's have a talk?
Kalyani: OK. Fine.
Kalyani: How fucking selfish can you two be!? You've just removed half of the prize fund for the couple who finish fourth! That's really quite unfair!
Corinne: I agree, to be honest.
Tammi-Louise: We've already said we'll pay it back.
Kalyani: Bullshit will you.
Tammi-Louise: Excuse me!?
Kalyani: You're under no obligation to give that money back at all, and you know it. So for all us and the viewers know, you've agreed to give it back to look good and then when we're out of here you might decide not to do it after all!
Tammi-Louise: You seriously think we would do that!?
Kalyani: I'd like to think you wouldn't but this is a game, isn't it!?
Tammi-Louise: We'll pay the £5,000 back. Quote me on it.
Kalyani: But to take that much as well!? Five grand!
Tammi-Louise: We didn't know who else was going to bid and we wanted to win.
Kalyani: But why!? Is it really worth that much to you!? That's a serious amount of money! Tammi-Louise: We can afford it and we like having our own space, so yeah, for us we can afford it.
Kalyani: I hope I'm never so rich that I'm that careless with that sort of money.
Wilbur: What we spend our money on, is none of your business, Kalyani.
Kalyani: But it's not your money, pal. Not unless you finish fourth, that is.
Wilbur: We've said we'll pay it back! Kalyani: And there's no guarantee that you will! Wilbur: You've lived with us for almost three weeks. Can you really not take our word for it?
Kalyani: I'd like to think so, but I didn't expect you to take that much money away either!
Wilbur: You're really overreacting here.
Kalyani: Who says I am!?
Wilbur: I do!
Kalyani: You guys have money, yeah? That's great and everything and I'm sure you've worked hard for it, Wilbur.
Tammi-Lousie: Wilbur!? What's that supposed to mean!?
Kalyani: I didn't mean anything by that, Tammi. You're being paranoid.
Tammi-Louise: Oh, yeah right! Here we go again! I'll have you know I had saved quite a bit of money myself before I even got with Wilbur! Wilbur: She's right.
Kalyani: That's beside the point. Like I said, you guys have money, so that sort of money is no skin off your nose, but what about some of the others in here!? If Naveen and I come fourth and we could have won £10,000 but only get £5,000 because you fancied sleeping in a golden bedroom for a few nights, I'll be so pissed off! That money can literally change lives!
Tammi-Louise: WE SAID WE'LL PAY IT BACK!
Kalyani: Don't shout at me, Tammi!
Tammi-Louise: Screw this.
Dennis: Can we leave it now, guys?
Sasha: Yeah. C'mon...
Kalyani: Fine. I've made my point.
Wilbur: Yes. You have.
Lionel: That clearly had the desired effect. Way to go, Sim Brother.
Zsa Zsa: And there's more to come, too.
Tammi-Louise comes to speak to Sim Brother.
Tammi-Louise: I've fucking had it with her! Who does that jumped up little madam think she is!? Sim Brother: Hello, Tammi-Louise. What seems to be the problem?
Tammi-Louise: Kalyani! She's the fucking problem! Once again she makes an entire scene and sticks her nose in where it's not wanted! All she had to do was talk to us and ask us to explain our decision, which we did, and then in front of everybody she basically implies that Wilbur and I are a bunch of scumbags who have stolen from people in here! That's so below the belt! We have every intention of paying the money back to whoever finishes fourth, if it's not us. She's just unbelievable. She really is. Would she have paid back the £101 had she won!? I know it's not the same amount of money, but from what she's told me before, she doesn't have much money! It's just... argh! She does my fucking head in sometimes!
Sasha: Are you OK?
Tammi-Louise: Babe, I'm furious!
Sasha: Kalyani is, too. And Wilbur.
Tammi-Louise: Kalyani can go suck a dick!
Sasha: She might hear you, Tammi.
Tammi-Lousie: I don't give a shit!
Sasha: Just try and calm down.
Tammi-Louise: I honestly don't think I can for a little while. I'm seething. Why does she have to react like that!?
Sasha: I don't know. I really don't. She just reacts without thinking.
Tammi-Louise: And I'm sick of it! We're supposed to be friends!
Sasha: I know.
Corinne and Kalyani are in the kitchen.
Corinne: I wanted to give you a hug.
Kalyani: Aw. Thanks. Why?
Corinne: I think you were bang on with what you were saying.
Kalyani: You didn't fancy backing me up, though? (Laughs).
Corinne: To be honest, it didn't seem like you needed the help.
Kalyani: True. I just couldn't help myself! I think it's fucking ridiculous. Spending that much money on being the top ranked couple. Seriously!?
Corinne: I know. I don't understand it either.
Kalyani: She and Wilbur have no obligation to pay it back. And it's FIVE GRAND.
Corinne: Agreed. We'd like to believe they'd do it, but they might not.
Kalyani: People change when it comes to money... and that's just a sad fact of reality. And the difference between five grand and ten grand for most people is massive.
Kalyani: Why bid THAT much? It just doesn't make sense.
Corinne: They seemed to think the rest of us were gonna bid big, too.
Kalyani: To sleep in a golden bedroom for five nights? Really? Jeez. This is what I'm saying about people with money just not realising its worth. They care that much about being the top ranked couples? I've seen it all now.
Corinne: Couldn't agree more.
Dennis and Lionel are checking out the bunker.
Dennis: This is just fine.
Lionel: Yeah. It's a bit drafty, but it'll do.
Dennis: You all right, my love?
Lionel: Just feeling a bit sad.
Dennis: About being the bottom ranked couple?
Lionel: No. I don't care about that. I'm just sad thing's are back to normal and people are arguing again. We had such an amazing day yesterday and I was hoping that festive spirit would linger for a bit longer.
Dennis: Oh, you big softy. It'll be all right. It'll all blow over.
Lionel: If this wasn't such a nice moment I'd make a crude comment about 'big softy' and 'blow over.'
Dennis: (Laughs). Behave yourself.
Zsa Zsa is in the diary room.
Zsa Zsa: Well, you certainly got what you wanted earlier, didn't you?
Sim Brother: Hello, Zsa Zsa. What would you be referring to?
Zsa Zsa: The drama about the temptations of Christmas bullshit that you're doing.
Sim Brother: Housemates are under no pressure to accept any of the temptations Sim Brother offers.
Zsa Zsa: In an ideal world, nobody would. But this is a game and it's human nature to try and advantage yourself. You naughty, naughty man. You'll be hard pressed to tempt Maximillian and I though. We're very principled individuals. Unless of course, you're offering me a date with Idris Elba, in which case I'd take the money away from everybody. (Laughs).
Maximillian and Wilbur are by the campfire.
Wilbur: You know I consider you one of my closest friends in here? Maximillian: I would like to think so, yes. The feeling is certainly mutual.
Wilbur: Well, I would like to know your opinion about what happened earlier.
Maximillian: I'm not sure I want to get involved with the drama of it all.
Wilbur: Of course. And I'm not asking you to, but as an impartial outsider, I'd like to know if you think Kalyani had a point about Tammi and bidding the money?
Maximillian: And I won't offend you if I do think she had a point?
Wilbur: Not at all.
Maximillian: I think she had some fair points, but as ever, her delivery was a mess.
Wilbur: That's exactly what I was so upset about, too. If she had frustrations or concerns, she had every right to ask us about them, but the way she went about it was so wrong.
Maximillian: She's about as tactful as a kick to the groin, that young lady. I think she was fair to raise some points about the money, as five grand is a lot for some of the other couples in here...
Wilbur: Of course.
Maximillian: But I also think you and Tammi-Louise have more than proven yourself as trustworthy, kind people. But it's like she hasn't taken any of that into account.
Wilbur: I agree. It's just frustrating. Especially for Tammi. She's supposed to be her friend.
Naveen and Vaughn are in the gym.
Vaughn: You OK, man?
Naveen: Yeah. Fine. Hasn't been any more rows, has there?
Vaughn: Nah. People are mostly keeping to themselves.
Naveen: I just wanted to blow off some steam in here.
Vaughn: I get that. I thought I'd come check on you.
Naveen: I appreciate that. I'm fine, mate.
Naveen: I just feel frustrated with Sim Brother and how they do things to blatantly cause trouble. We've had such a nice time in here the past few days and now it feels like it's ruined.
Vaughn: I know. I agree. But this is Sim Brother.
Naveen: Yeah. Get that. It's just annoying.
Aisha is doing laundry.
Aisha: Bloody hell! This dryer either does a shitty job or makes everything burning hot! These machines are so crap.
Tammi-Louise and Wilbur are in the luxury bedroom.
Wilbur: You need to cheer up.
Tammi-Louise: Sorry, babe. It's just hard.
Wilbur: I know, but don't let what Kalyani said get to you! I think it's clear nobody agreed with her.
Tammi-Louise: Corinne seemed to.
Wilbur: Does anyone honestly care what she thinks?
Tammi-Louise: (Laughs). It's just so upsetting! You think you've made progress with people and made actual friends these past few weeks...
Wilbur: We have. For sure. Kalyani might just be an exception.
Tammi-Louise: Apparently so. This is like the third time she's turned on me...
Wilbur: Why don't we watch Mamma Mia! to cheer you up?
Tammi-Louise: But you hate musicals?
Wilbur: Yes, but you love them!
Tammi-Louise: Aw. Babe.
The housemates are heading to bed.
Naveen: Keep your chin up, you.
Kalyani: I will. I just seem to be the big bad wolf in this place all the time.
Naveen: Nah. I don't think that's true.
Kalyani: We'll see what happens tomorrow anyway. I think this whole thing is far from over.
Naveen: I think you're right.
Aisha: Glad we're back in this nice bedroom.
Corinne: Me too. I sleep so much better in here.
Aisha: I wonder what they're gonna do tomorrow. I'm scared about it.
Corinne: Don't be. What'll happen, will happen. We're good people and we'll do whatever we think is right.
Tammi-Louise: Thank you for being you. I love you.
Tammi-Louise: (Laughs). Great.
Wilbur: Hm? What you say?
Tammi-Louise: Nothing, babe. Night.
Lionel: Oh, fuck. This bed is awful.
Dennis: (Laughs). We've slept in rougher places.
Lionel: Me especially.
Dennis: Yes. Indeed.
Lionel: Still though, those beds upstairs are so rather lovely.
Dennis: We'll make do.
The seventeenth day in the Sim Brother Couples house has come to an end. Tune in soon for the highlights of day eighteen where the next temptations are offered.
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