It's the third day in the Sim Brother Couples house.
Yesterday, all of the couples completed their shopping lists and received their food.
All of the housemates are in bed.
Last night, Aleks and Emery had a falling out when Emery discussed their sex life in front of certain other housemates.
Aleks is the first housemate up.
Aleks: (Sighs). Another day in paradise.
Aleks is having a bath.
Zsa Zsa is next to get up.
Zsa Zsa: (Yawns).
Ten minutes later...
Aleks and Zsa Zsa are in the kitchen.
Zsa Zsa: Hiya, honey. I wasn't expecting to see anybody up.
Aleks: Yesterday was a fluke. I'm almost always an early riser.
Zsa Zsa: Me too. Plus, that bedroom gets far too stuffy for me after a while.
Aleks: Bound to with the heating on and so many people in there. Coffee?
Zsa Zsa: You sit down. I'll do it.
Zsa Zsa: Somebody's done a terrible job cleaning this mug.
Zsa Zsa: How you doing?
Aleks: I'm all right. We haven't spoke much, have we?
Zsa Zsa: No. If I'm honest, you're probably the most reserved person in here.
Aleks: And yet I'm with Emery.
Zsa Zsa: (Laughs). Opposites attract, I guess.
Aleks: Yeah. We do argue a lot. We're like chalk and cheese. We had a bit of an issue last night, as it happens.
Zsa Zsa: Oh, no. What happened if you don't mind me asking?
Aleks: We were sitting with some of the girls and he blurted out some private stuff about our sex life.
Zsa Zsa: Oh. I can see why that might make you uncomfortable.
Aleks: We barely know anyone else in here! And we're on TV!
Zsa Zsa: I honestly wouldn't worry too much. The people who watch this show have seen a lot worse.
Aleks: I know, but my parents will be watching and as supportive as they are, I don't want them hearing things like that.
Zsa Zsa: Maybe just tell Emery that while you're in the house, that sort of stuff has to remain private. I don't think it's worth getting annoyed with him though. We've not been in here long and these first few days are supposed to be fun.
Aleks: I know. I'll have a talk with him later.
Emery is still asleep.
The housemates in the communal bedroom have been woken by Sim Brother.
Tammi-Louise: You getting up?
Wilbur: Do I have to?
Tammi-Louise: Why do you think they turn the light on? As a polite suggestion?
Wilbur: Oh, man. I haven't slept well at all.
Tammi-Louise: No? I did. And that's what matters.
Wilbur: (Laughs). It's too early for this.
Naveen: You kicked me at least four times during the night.
Kalyani: And only two were on purpose.
Naveen: Other than that though, I slept all through. Didn't even use the toilet.
Kalyani: Me neither. We're sleeping better here than what we do at home.
Naveen: I know. Weird.
Maximillian: Sorry to interrupt.
Naveen: The hell do you want?
Maximillian: (Laughs). Have either of you seen my good lady wife?
Kalyani: Can't say we have.
Maximillian: Dare I dream!? Has she finally gone!? Disappeared into thin air during the night!?
Naveen: (Laughs). Maybe Thanos snapped his finger, or something?
Maximillian: I'm not even going to pretend to know what that means.
Kim is standing guard outside the bathroom as Roy takes a shower.
Kim: Good morning, sweetie.
Corinne: OK to go in?
Kim: If you wouldn't mind just waiting two minutes? Roy's just having a shower.
Corinne: I'm desperate. Can I just go in? I won't look.
Kim: I'm sure you won't, but I don't think that's appropriate. For you to go in whilst he's showering or for you to use the toilet with him in here.
Corinne: You know this is Sim Brother, right?
Kim: Even so, there have to be lines. Honestly, honey, he never takes long. He'll be thirty seconds at most. I promise.
Corinne: Can't hold it.
Corinne: This is supposed to be for all of us, you know? Everyone's bathroom?
Aisha: (Sighs). Seriously.
Sasha and Vaughn were woken up over an hour ago. They have eaten breakfast, showered, and dressed and are on their way to the main house.
Sasha: People are gonna think we matched on purpose.
Vaughn: (Laughs). You make us wear the same jumpers at Christmas.
Sasha: That's different, though.
Vaughn: Mustard for the win!
Sasha: (Laughs). It's a good colour.
Maximillian has joined Zsa Zsa in the lounge.
Maximillian: Oh, there you are.
Zsa Zsa: Finally awake, are you?
Maximillian: I wondered where you went.
Zsa Zsa: I had enough of being in that bloody attic bedroom. It's too stuffy in there. It really is.
Maximillian: True. It was weird... turning over and finding the other side of the bed empty.
Zsa Zsa: Did you love it?
Maximillian: For a second, I thought I was free.
Zsa Zsa: Never.
Aisha is in the diary room.
Aisha: Hey, Sim Brother.
Sim Brother: Hello, Aisha. How are you this morning?
Aisha: Annoyed. That about sums it up.
Sim Brother: Why are you annoyed?
Aisha: Corinne. She's just so crap when it comes to new people and in the space of two days, she's already pissed some people off.
Sim Brother: How have the other housemates reacted?
Aisha: They've been great. Kalyani and Naveen rose above it yesterday and Kim was really lovely earlier even though she didn't need to be. I'm just frustrated. I love Corinne so much, but it takes people time to warm to her. I just hope we get enough time in here because if this carries on we'll probably be the first ones out.
Kalyani, Sasha, and Tammi-Louise are in the garden.
Kalyani: You said you wouldn't start without me.
Tammi-Lousie: Well, hurry up and get down then!
Kalyani: That's what she said.
Sasha: (Laughs). Oh, God.
Tammi-Louise: I haven't done this since I was a kid!
Sasha: Me neither!
Kalyani: My ass is fucking freezing!
Tammi-Louise: Oh, Christ. I can barely get up.
Tammi-Louise: Beautiful. What a masterpiece.
Sasha: Van Gogh ain't got shit on you.
Tammi-Louise: Damn straight.
Aleks has joined Emery in their private quarters.
Aleks: What time do you call this? (Laughs).
Emery: I've been up ages. Just didn't know what to do.
Aleks: I'm sorry for last night.
Aleks: Really what?
Emery: You never apologise.
Aleks: Because I'm rarely wrong. (Laughs). But I was last night.
Emery: You're just not normally a prude, is all.
Aleks: Of course I'm not. But you need to sort of realise that this sort of environment is exciting for you. You're like a duck in water. But it's gonna take some time for me to get used to this. And with my parents watching and everything... I'm happy for us to show who we are and talk about things that might be private but when it comes to sex... surely that can stay between us?
Emery: Of course it can. I didn't think. I love you.
Aleks: I love you, too.
Corinne and Kim are in the snug.
Corinne: I wanted to apologise for earlier.
Kim: No need.
Corinne: No, there is a need. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I always take everything so fucking personally all the time. Of course you and Roy wouldn't want me going in there and slashing out my gash while he's showering.
Kim: I'm sorry... what!?
Corinne: Oh. It means piss.
Kim: Corinne, that was horrifying. (Laughs).
Corinne: Sorry! I'm apologising for that too. (Laughs).
Maximillian, Roy, and Vaughn are by the campfire.
Maximillian: This gentlemen, is my spot.
Roy: Mine, too. I love it.
Maximillian: We can sit outside and enjoy the outdoors and not freeze our testicles off at the same time.
Roy: (Laughs). Yes indeed.
Maximillian: How you doing, Vaughn? Do you and Sasha have enough food?
Vaughn: Plenty mate. We're doing just fine, thanks to yours and Zsa Zsa's generosity. And Aleks and Emery, of course.
Maximillian: We were happy to help.
Roy: So, how long are we stuck in these ranks for? Five days?
Vaughn: Yeah. Sasha and I have another three nights in the bunker.
Maximillian: What I'm unsure about is whether you can still be the lowest ranked couple next time? Or if the boys can be the top couple again?
Vaughn: I don't see why not.
Roy: It'll depend on the challenges, most probably.
Vaughn: That'll be so shit if we have to do another five days in there. (Laughs). To be honest, it's not even so much the sleeping. It's not being able to access the house and showering outside.
Maximillian: Yes. That is quite the bastard.
Wilbur is in the kitchen.
He is the topic of conversation between Naveen and Zsa Zsa in the lounge.
Zsa Zsa: Have you seen what he is wearing today?
Naveen: Looks great, doesn't he?
Zsa Zsa: He's almost sixty and he's one of the best dressed in here! And I thought I had good taste!
Naveen: You do. And I wonder if Tammi-Louise might be a part of him looking so good.
Zsa Zsa: Possibly, but she said his taste was one of the things that attracted her to him in the first place. She said he doesn't act or dress like an old man and he most certainly doesn't.
Naveen: Maybe the money was a factor, too?
Zsa Zsa: Eh. Maybe. And who's to judge her if it was? Money might not bring happiness, but it makes things a hell of a lot easier.
Emery is in the diary room.
Emery: So, Aleks and I have made up, which I'm relieved about.
Sim Brother: What happened to make you fall out?
Emery: It wasn't a fall out per se, but I annoyed him and after he explained, I do understand why. He still overreacted like a dickhead though. (Laughs). But he apologised and that's a big deal for him.
Sim Brother: What do you intend to do with the rest of your day?
Emery: Well, actually, I have a question on that front: what are the rules regarding having people use the hot tub?
Sim Brother: You may invite up to two couples per day into the hot tub but you cannot invite the lowest ranked couple.
Emery: That's so mean, Sim Brother. Poor Sasha and Vaughn. But OK.
Aleks and Emery have invited Kalyani and Naveen and Tammi-Louise and Wilbur into their private quarters.
Kalyani: Jesus Christ.
Naveen: This is the shit.
Tammi-Louise: Lovely, isn't it? We have to make sure we're in here next, Wilbur.
Emery: (Laughs). We're not giving it up without a fight.
Wilbur: Very fancy, isn't it? This'd make the Romanov's eyes water.
Kalyani: Oh, yes. This'll do nicely. I want this next week.
Tammi-Louise: You'll have to go through me.
Kalyani: I intend to.
Most of the couples are round the campfire.
Vaughn: So, what's the best place everyone's been on holiday?
Kim: Barbados, definitely. We went there for our honeymoon.
Corinne: Beautiful! I'd have to say Las Vegas. It's the shit.
Roy: We're not keen are we, dear?
Kim: No. Very tacky, I feel.
Maximillian: Agreed. Though, it has his charms.
Sasha: We loved Norway didn't we, Vaughn?
Vaughn: One of the most stunning places in the world.
Zsa Zsa: Did you see the Northern Lights?
Vaughn: Sadly not.
Zsa Zsa: They're stunning.
Corinne: Let's spice this up a bit: who here has been arrested?
Roy: (Laughs). Has anyone!?
Aisha: Corinne and I have.
Maximillian: Really? Tell us more! Aisha: We were at an anti-trident protest.
Sasha: Oh, God. If I got arrested, I'd shit myself.
Vaughn: I got restrained once during a fight when I was a kid, but nothing more.
Maximillian: Why don't you guys ask my wife what she did to get arrested just two years ago?
Kim: NO way! Zsa Zsa!?
Zsa Zsa: I punched a guy who put a hand up my friend's dress.
Aisha: (Gasps). Yes, Zsa Zsa! Good for you!
Corinne: I love you even more for that.
Vaughn: Sounds like he deserved it.
The rest of the housemates are in the hot tub.
Tammi-Louise: This so relaxing.
Emery: I swear half you are asleep right now.
Wilbur: Yeah, why don't we try and liven things up a bit?
Aleks: It's hard when the bubbles hit the spot just right...
Kalyani: Thanks for picking us to hang out with you, by the way.
Aleks: Sure. We knew we wanted Tammi-Louise and Wilbur and Naveen was an obvious choice, and sadly you have to come as a pair.
Kalyani: (Laughs). Dick.
Tammi-Louise: Were the others all right with it?
Emery: They seemed to be.
Kalyani: I'm surprised Corinne didn't have a break-down.
Naveen: (Laughs). Come on, babe.
Kalyani: I'm only joking. Well, sort of.
Aleks: She was fine about it, to be fair. We said she can come in tomorrow or the next day.
Emery: I don't think Maximillian and Zsa Zsa enjoy hot tubs so they won't be bothered. I think Roy and Kim might wanna get in here at some point.
Tammi-Louise: They seem like lovely people, but I never know what to talk to them about.
Emery: Me neither.
The two groups are still hanging out.
Vaughn: How can Jaws STILL be the scariest thing you've ever seen? Aisha: I won't get into the sea anymore. Not since Corinne made me watch it.
Corinne: She's not exaggerating either. She means it.
Zsa Zsa: It's such a fake looking shark. (Laughs).
Aisha: Doesn't matter. The thought of those teeth... urgh. No. I can't. It's making me shake.
Sasha: I heard vending machines kill more people per year than sharks do.
Maximillian: Yes, but I don't think the vending machines mean to and that's probably the difference.
Aisha: (Laughs). Exactly.
Vaughn: Well, vending machines can be twats.
Vaughn: What about you guys? Scariest film you've ever seen?
Kim: We're not big on horrors.
Roy: We both grew up in quite conservative, religious households so horrors weren't allowed. And all the paranormal stuff was definitely discouraged.
Kim: I just don't enjoy horrors either. Who wants to see people tortured to death!?
Kim: (Laughs). Oh. No. I couldn't bear it. We found out our eldest two watched The Exorcist round their cousin's house. We were mortified.
Roy: And they had nightmares. Like we knew they would.
Corinne: But that's part of the excitement though! I used to love that shit growing up. Being scared is half the fun.
Sasha: I sort of get what you mean actually. (Laughs).
Corinne: Kim, you should definitely check out The Human Centipede.
Sasha: Nooo! You definitely shouldn't. (Laughs).
Kim: What is it?
Corinne: Google it when you get out.
Sasha: Again, don't listen to her. Seriously. Don't.
Vaughn: What's everyone's favourite comedy?
Sasha: We love Adam Sandler, so anything with him in it.
Roy: Eh. He's OK. We really love When Harry Met Sally. It's always our pick for date night.
Maximillian: Great film.
Maximillian: We like Naked Gun. And Airplane!
Corinne: They're so fucking funny.
Roy: Leslie Nielsen, right?
Zsa Zsa: Genius films.
Maximillian: Surely you can't be serious!?
Zsa Zsa; I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Maximillian and Zsa Zsa are in bed.
Kim and Roy are in the bathroom.
Roy: This has been such a great night.
Kim: It really has. The best one so far most definitely.
Roy: Do you ever feel like Corinne says things to try and annoy us?
Kim: Maybe. She seems to know how different we are to her and sort of plays on it.
Roy: Not sure I entirely trust her, darling.
Kim: Likewise. Aisha is a very sweet girl though.
Roy: Oh, yes. Lovely.
Sasha and Vaughn are asleep.
The group in the hot tub are playing Shag, Marry, Kill.
Wilbur: OK, I'll go next: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage. This is for you, Kalyani.
Kalyani: Oh, fuck off!
Aleks: You have to do it. (Laughs).
Naveen: Go on, babe.
Kalyani: Well, kill Trump. That goes without saying.
Wilbur: The secret service will be here any minute.
Kalyani: Uh... I suppose I'd fuck Boris for the laugh of it all. (Laughs). Marry Farage, though? Oh, I can't.
Naveen: It'd be ironic, wouldn't it?
Corinne: You having fun up there without me!?
Tammi-Louise: Yes we are, actually!
Corinne: (Laughs). It'll be my turn tomorrow!
Emery: We look forward to it, babe!
Corinne: Well, don't have too much fun! Night!
Tammi-Louise: You could always drown her tomorrow.
Aleks: (Laughs). Fucking hell.
Aisha and Corinne are now asleep.
Emery and Tammi-Louise are in the diary room.
Emery: We've had such a good evening.
Sim Brother: Sim Brother is pleased to hear it, Emery.
Tammi-Louise: We've drank plenty of alcohol of our own...but... any chance you can provide us some more?
Sim Brother: Sim Brother will not be providing drink to the house.
Tammi-Louise: But the night is young! Like me!
Emery: Not like your man. (Laughs). Burn.
Tammi-Louise: Do ignore him. He's not been a good host! He didn't even do us any food so we're all a lot drunker than what we would be if we didn't have empty stomachs.
Tammi-Louise: I think he's dead.
Aleks: Did you just use our bathroom?
Wilbur: Yes. (Laughs).
Aleks: Number one, I hope?
Wilbur: It was one and a half, to be honest.
Aleks: Oh, Jesus.
Aleks: WHAT THE HELL, NAVEEN!?
Kalyani is in the kitchen.
Kalyani: (Gasps). Maximillian and Zsa Zsa have cake. Oh, I want cake. Oh, I just want a bit. No... I need to be a good girl... I got crisps. I'll have crisps.
Kalyani: Hello there, little crispy. Little crispy about to meet my mouthy. Your entire existence has led to this moment. You growing as a potato... being made into a crisp... stuffed into a bag... only to end up with me shitting you out tomorrow morning.
Kalyani: Here goes. Bye, crispy!
Kalyani: That's some good shit.
Most of the housemates are in bed.
Tammi-Lousie and Wilbur are in the bathroom.
Wilbur: I think I sat funny in the hot tub. My back's killing me.
Tammi-Louise: And the water is irritating the cut on my foot. It really hurts.
Naveen: The hell's wrong with you guys? You look like you've just done anal.
Emery is still asleep in the diary room.
The third day in the Sim Brother Couples house has come to an end. Tune in tomorrow for the highlights of day four where Vaughn is set a secret challenge to try and win access to a gym. Stay tuned.